As humans there are certain emotions that we try our hardest to conceal. 

Emotions like envy and ego are best hidden as these are seen as negative traits in society. So we try our best to conceal these feelings and manage them so that we can put out our best foot. 

But inevitably when we are alone these emotions re surface again and if we are not carfeul they spill put even amongst our friend groups. 

In this post I will be focusing on what I like to call the antidote to envy. 

Even the word Envy seems like an offence and we would all deny feeling envious of others if we are asked but deep down we know this isn’t the case. 

We all feel envious and crave that which another person has. 

We want their house, education, experience, clothes, cars, that expensive trip they went on. The list is endless. 

And with envy comes comparison. We begin to compare our success to that of those we envy and we can’t help but see the glaring truths, they have more than we do. 

So how then can we overcome this feeling of envy or at least manage it. 

We can practice Mitfreude. 

What is Mitfreude? 

I first came across this concept in the book, The laws of human nature by Robert Greene. 

He describes this concept as the ability to rejoice in the success of others. 

The ability to feel joy and happiness when someone else achieves something as if you are the one who achieved this. 

How envy plays out in our daily lives. 

Envy is the feeling of a level of annoyance when another person achieves what we want. 

And with social media it is increasingly easy to feel envy everyday. 

Remember scrolling through a post and seeing someone in your field or around your age accomplish a height that you want to someday reach. 

Remember that colleague or friend sharing some good news with you over their recent accomplishment. 

Do you remember the quick annoyance that flashed? 

Or how you could have made a comment or thought that they didn’t deserve the position or accomplishment and you easily attribute it to luck. 

Envy is so easy to miss because it rarely lasts more than a few seconds. 

But what you fail to realise is that in those snapshot moments we are feeding our ego and increasing that feeling of envy. 

This is where Mitfreude comes in. 

How can we practise Mitfreude? 

The first question I asked myself when I came across this concept is, how can you feel joy over a milestone that your co worker hit and you didn’t without faking it. 

The only set of people we are okay with being above us or that we can easily applaud their achievements is the dead. 

So I came up with a 2 step process to actively practicing Mitfreude. 

• Nothing is ever as shiny as it seems: When analysing the success of others we only pay attention to the good parts of it. The glamarous aspects of it. We see only the best front which is how shiny and exciting the experience is but if we look closely we will realise that our idea of just how shiny the accomplishment is, is disorted. Moving closer you can see the overbearing boss that comes with that new promotion or the tedious work that needs to be put in to reach the next month’s sales goals. Keep in mind that even celebrities sometimes want a break from posing in front of the camera all day long. Get closer to what you envy and you will see it’s not as shiny as it seems from afar.

• Mitfreude is like a muscle that needs practice to get stronger:  This isn’t an overnight concept that will begin to play out immediately. Appreciating the work of others and the effort they have put in. I have learnt that if someone has achived a goal that you are working hard on, the reason they have achieved it is because they have failed at it more times than you have. Think about this when next you hear some exciting news that someone in your field has achieved and remind yourself that they have failed at it more times than you have. So if you fail just enough times you can achieve that level and go further. This will return your focus to your work and not the envy. 

Closing Remarks 

Envy is embedded in our human nature so next time you experience this emotion don’t beat yourself up.

It’s perfectly normal, what makes the difference is what you chose to do with the emotion. 

You can channel it into something destructive which will end up hurting you or you can try practising Mitfreude. 

For not many men can love a friend who fortune prospers without envying