Setting boundaries is hard. It’s unnerving, It’s difficult and it’s painful. 

Setting it is hard but lack of it will just lead to more hurts along the way. A lot of people are unsure how to manage their boundaries or what metric to use to gauge how their boundaries are being maintained. 

So here are 7 signs that you need to start setting better boundaries. 

1. Blaming others for making you feel a particular way : 

This is the first sign that your boundaries aren’t clearly defined enough or you don’t know how to inform others when they over step. 

You need to realize that others don’t make you feel a particuar way, you do that on your own. You give them the power to make you feel that certain way. 

It’s why when your significant others says or acts in a certain manner it might hurt you because you have given them that trust and power. The reverse would be the cae if the same words or action were done by a stranger. 

The moment you find yourself whinning about how others are making you feel it’s a clear sign that your boundaries are not being respected and you need to restate them. 

2. You spend a lot of time dreading meeting up with someone: 

Ever notice that you spend 5 days dreading meeting up with someone for 5 hours. You would much rather do anything and I mean anything than sit at that table and have that talk with said person. 

This person could be a friend, parents, acquinatance, colleague or boss. You complain and whine about that meeting that is still scheduled for a month from now. 

This is because you haven’t set boundaries with that individual and you are amost a 100% certain that they will say something that will trigger you but at the same time you don’t want to cancel out that meeting because then it seems like you are afraid of them. 

Perhaps marriage is a touchy subject for you but everytime you sit down with your parents, they inevitably bring up that topic. 

Or maybe you are still working through a tough break up and all your friend talks about is how perfect ‘Ken’ would have been for you. 

Or maybe you got passed up on a  promotion at the office and all your colleagues do is bring up that same promotion. 

This is a sign that you need better boudaries. 

When in the company of those close to you, you should enjoy their presence rather than dreading it, so the moment it’s the opposite you know that boundaries need to be re-enforced. 

3. You rarely say NO: 

There’s a quote I saw that actually supports this, 

‘Watch how people change when they don’t get what they want from you.’ 

Saying no is never easy because we don’t want to let anyone down. 

We want to keep to our promises so we say YES to eveything. 

Take a few minutes right now to think of the last time you said NO to someone. 

The last time you declined attending that party, or said no to staying late at the office or doing a favour for someone to your own detriment. 

When I look back at my life, some things would have been easier if I had just said No from the jump.

I would have saved myself so many stress filled situations and would be in a better place now. If you find it hard to say NO don’t beat yourself up. It’s natural, there is a people pleaser hding in each of us. 

We want to please others and make them feel good so in turn they treat us nice and like us more. But sometimes you just have to say NO especially when you are uncofortable. 

Saying NO is the first step to setting boubdaries because you will need to say no when people push against your boubdaries. 

4. Take on more task than you can handle: 

This is a spill over from not knowing how to say NO. 

When you can’t say no, you either end up with a lot of tasks assigned for other people or you always have your itinerary full with other’s assignments and never any time for yourself. 

These days we don’t know when we have had enough because we keep telling ourselves one more task, one more YES.. Just one more. 

Because we are made to believe that the people who made it to the top, got there by overworking themselves all the time and accepoting each task. 

But that is a far cry from the truth, wealthy and influencial people don’t take on all the tasks they only take up tasks that they are aware they can handle at optimal levels and delegate the others. 

You don’t need to be superhero and save the day all the time, because even superheros get days off. 

Closing Remarks.

Setting or maintaining your boundaries will never be an easy task. It’s a very hard and lonely journey because often times no one will understand why you have those boudaries in plcae but that shouldn’t dter you. 

Your boundaries are unquite to you, to your story, to your exepriences. And if they really care about you, they will have to adjust because that’s what people who care abut ypu would do. 

They will adjust. 

And if they don’t, that’s a clear sign that it was never meant to be so let them go before they hurt you so deep it will take years for you to recover.