A concept I am just beginning to understand and that I plant in life is that self-esteem comes from the inside. 

When I first heard this on a podcast I was listening to, it felt very trite and pretty obvious, albeit it took me a few days for the concept to sink in. 

It then begins to make sense why, when others compliment us, we struggle to accept it. It’s not because we can’t understand what they have said, but at that moment, what they are saying doesn’t align with our self-concept. 

Putting this into more practical terms. My self-image is something I have always struggled with. I’ve had people compliment my looks, but for some reason, it never makes a difference to me because I somehow manage to convince myself that they didn’t mean it and were just being polite. 

A few weeks back, I was going through a really bad day where my self-esteem was at an all-time low.I didn’t want to be around anyone, and frankly speaking, I just wanted to go home and just have a meltdown and then probably fall asleep after. 

Whilst on my way home, I noticed this lady just staring at me with a beaming smile and astonishment in her eyes. Seeing as I was already in a foul mood, I just gave her a look that said WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME? 

With an even wider smile, she says, ‘Are you a model? You walk like one, and you’re very pretty.’ I kid you not when I say I didn’t believe a word she said, but due to societal etiquettes, I smiled and thanked her for the compliments and went on my way. 

Was it coincidental that this compliment came on a day when I was feeling my worst? 

Who knows? 

But this got me thinking. And suddenly, it became obvious to me that I never fully accept any compliment I get. I either find a way to diminish it in my head, or I just ignore it. 

How did I know that these compliments were ingenuine? 

I didn’t, but I was projecting what I was feeling on the inside. I didn’t feel pretty or beautiful on the inside, so it never mattered how many times someone screamed it at me. It never had any meaning to me. It didn’t make me feel any better about myself. Rather, I felt worse. 

So here’s what I started to do. 

I began to understand that it doesn’t matter how many words of affirmation are spoken to reassure me. If I didn’t change my self-concept on the inside, nothing done or said on the outside would matter. 

Despite reading this concept multiple times in books, it took experiencing it to resonate more with me. 

Then and there, and even as I’m writing this, I’m making a conscious effort to reshape my self-concept. It would take a while to achieve this, but having lived with this beat-up self-concept, I have about myself and seeing the effect it’s had on my life. I am willing to work towards a better approach that can impact my mental health better in the future. 

What’s an experience that made you realise you didn’t have the best Self-concept? Let me know in the comments.