It’s really sad these days to see people dating and not truly knowing their partner. From what I’ve seen it’s always due to a lack of communication or not having the right set of conversations in the talking stage. 

I know in this time and age, hookup culture is prevalent but these are questions you should only be asking if you are serious about the relationship. You find out why I said this really soon. 

1. What’s their relationship with money ? 

I honestly can’t fathom why we are always shy away from money talks  and our spending habits in general. It’s like our shame or guilty pleasure which I can’t understand for some reason. If you’re going to be in a relationship then you need to know how compatible your spending habits are and orientation about money. 

Are they spenders? 

Savers? 

You need to know all this to reduce unnecessary frictions when it comes to money. 

2. What’s their relationship with their family? 

I do believe this is very important for individuals who want to maintain a long term relationship [ not me talking like this is some kind of business deal, but yeah ]. 

It’s important you know if you’re walking into a harmonious family, or some feuding families. This will save you lots of headaches as you already know what you should expect. 

3. What does his family expect of you? 

This is following the previous question as it all adds up. You would want to know what his family expects of their child’s significant other. And if you’re already thinking this doesn’t matter trust me when I say it does. 

It is extremely difficult dating someone whose family doesn’t like you. It would be nice to have at least one person in his family on your side. 

This also helps to gauge what they expect when they come visiting. Does his mother expect that you perform the duties of a traditional wife? And the likes. 

This helps you know how compatible you guys will be. 

4. Do they believe in gender roles? 

Now this is extremely important because it was hardly ever up for discussion before but now that it is, you should utilise this. 

Does your partner believe that you should be the breadwinner or you should do 100% of the cleaning? 

You should know these things and determine whether a consensus can be reached or if it’s better to just part ways. 

5. What do they do in their spare time? 

This seems like such an insignificant question but think of it like asking your partner what their hobbies are? 

It’s just a very intimate question and just shows your partner that you care. Also you want to know if your hobbies are alike or you have any shared interest. And most importantly, if you can tolerate their hobbies. 

6. What do they need when they’re sad, angry or in a bad mood? 

One mistake I’ve seen couples make all the time is to expect their partners to know what they should do without communicating this. This can be disastrous because when you are in these moods you are very vulnerable and you really don’t need your partner playing blues clues. 

They’re on thin ice and you’re one interaction away from snapping. Clear communication comes to play here. 

For example, I have a roommate and if you don’t already know living with someone can suck sometimes so you need to be very clear about what you want. 

So I tell her that if she has pissed me off or she knows I’m in a foul mood then she should just leave me alone. Don’t even apologise at that moment, I just need space. 

And having that conversation has saved us both a lot of unnecessary clashes. 

7. What’s their stance on mental health ? 

Your health in general should always be your top priority so you need to know how they feel about mental health. Can you confide in them when you’re having an anxiety attack or would they brush it off? 

Do they understand mental health and what it entails? 

As a bonus question, what’s their stance on feminism? 

This is a question I have at the formation of any form of friendship. Be it romantic or not. I need to know what they feel about feminism after I have explained why I’m a feminist. 

Because if you’re a feminist, you are often being told that you would always end up alone and never find someone who would love and support you so this is an important question to ask your partner so you’re on the same page about your goals, values and ideologies. 

Closing Remarks

Asking these questions not only helps you understand your partner, it helps build a deeper bond with them and that is what you would want if you intend to build a long lasting relationship.