Have you ever felt like you need to reach a certain standard for you to be loved? 

You feel like you aren’t loveable enough now so you need to work on yourself so you can then become a person who is worthy of being loved.

To be clear I am not saying that working on yourself is a bad thing, it is most definitely not however feeling like you are not worthy to be loved and you need to work on yourself to gain that love is not a healthy sign.

You do know that you loved and cared for while on your healing journey. You don’t need to always work it out alone and be ‘perfect’ before you are prime for love.

A friend recently reminded me that, ‘There are some wounds that you think have healed but you have really never been tested before. You can’t heal all your relationship wounds without being in a relationship, You can’t know if your friendship wounds are healed if you never try making friends again’

We want to be perfect so that when we do grow in love, we feel desiring of that love, but that’s why you grow in it, all of it is part of the growth.

You might not know if you have healed from a toxic ex until you are in a healthy relationship. Because then you’re in a situation that really exposes you to what you experienced and you can heal.

The same goes for friendships and every type of relationship.

You don’t know if you have healed from working under a condescending boss until you begin working again and you are in that working environment, that’s when the wounds begin to resurface even if your new boss isn’t condescending.

There are some healing that you can do alone, however don’t make that trick you into thinking you need to finish all that before anyone can love you. Because what happens then is that you will always set another standard and blame yourself when you aren’t loved or treated right because you feel sub standard. When in reality, you deserve love as you are and you can grow in love.

This isn’t also to say that you shouldn’t work on yourself and change when you need to but don’t do iit with the mindset that you need to do that to ‘earn’ anyone’s love.

Because you are essentially setting a standard you will never reach and in translation never feel loved.