One of the upsides to being an introvert is that you get to observe people in their natural habitat, outside. So oftentimes you pick up on tone, attitude and other subtle cues that others are oblivious to. Why? Because they are too busy talking and socialising.

The downside is that you neve get to practise what you learnt because you are either too shy to do it or just don’t have the mental energy to carry through to it. And other times it’s a mixture of both.

• Begin every conversation with a  genuine compliment. Genuine compliments make people happy. Follow this up with a question. For example, ‘You gave an incredible speech, your voice communication understanding and confidence in [insert the field] however you made mention of [ insert here] which i don’t quite understand, would you mind elaborating further?
• Listen more than you talk and convey that you are in fact listening. [In a book I read titled How to become a people’s magnet, there is an entire section dedicated to her men and women who prefer you listen to them. For women, use more filler words like ‘ohh’, ‘wow’, ‘I see’ and the likes. While for men, less filler words and more eye contact and nodding] I haven’t personally paid attention to either style but you can use it for reference.
• Body language goes a long way. Trust me when I say people respond to your body language more than they do your words. So pay attention to how you face the person you are speaking to, and how your hands are placed. Reduce fidgeting and avoiding eye contact; these are all signs you lack confidence and they reflect in how people will respond to that.
• Hand shaking. There are also subtle rules as to how to give and receive a proper handshake and you might have seen some variations of this but not paid attention to it . For example when expressing gratitude you often shake with your 2 hands, One locked with theirs and the other on top of your interlocked hands to really express gratitude. If both partners are equal on some level then a firm lock of her and one shake is all it takes. Again, pay attention to this. As a bonus, handshakes are more intimate when the webs of your palm touch.

• Always greet people with a smile on your face. But do not smile immediately when you meet someone that makes it look fake. Instead take a few seconds to look at them which would make anyone feel uncomfortable and then smile to ease that awkwardness, It gives the illusion that you have accessed them and you like something about them. It also gives the impression that you don’t smile to everyone but only those that pass.
• Do not overly express gratitude: This is strictly for business engagements. Let’s face it no one likes to be thanked a million times because after the first couple thousand thank yous it starts to lose its meaning and becomes draining. Be strategic when giving thanks, give enough to make it known that you appreciate what they have done and once this gratitude is conveyed that’s enough and you move on. There’s no need to say it a couple hundred times to show you are truly grateful.
• Keep a mental/physical file on people: Originally it’s supposed to be a mental file but if you are like me and you don’t do well with dates or recalling events you can have  a physical file on your phone. I only do this when I really care about someone or for business purposes. So I pull up a notepad section designated to writing things down about that person because I can’t store all that in my head. And any time you know you might run into them, you pull up the file and go through it and even if it was an emergency run in you can always take a quick look at your phone. People love to feel important and this makes them feel just that.

• When you agree with someone vocalise it. This is a pretty straightforward rule but when you agree with what someone said, repeat that back to them this goes a long way from just nodding in agreement.
• If you are dealing with passive aggressiveness in a public setting, Don’t ignore it, Don’t act dumb instead call attention to it. The whole point of being passive aggressive is to be subtle and somewhat hidden. This is eliminated when you shine light on it by directly addressing it and stating that you won’t stand for it.

Closing Remarks

What is your subtle social secret? When had you used it and what was the outcome? Let me know in the comments.