To anyone who has a friend who has “your” friend I think that’s  the most special thing in the world. Relationships are the easiest thing to take for granted and I’m always jealous of people when I come across them and they say ‘oh I’ve had this friend for seven years’ or  ‘We’ve been best friends for 16 years’ because I don’t have that. I haven’t been best friends with anyone for even a year and I know people have friend groups and they’re nice and all but then every other person within that group has another group of friends.

I just feel like I’ve passed the stage of making strong connections and meeting new people, it’s like everyone now already has their group of friends. And I don’t want to give my all into a friendship just to have it fall off the next day. 

Everyone already has their friend and while they are nice and sweethearts. You just know that you’re not their friend in the sense that you’re never their first option, you might not even be the second or the third and that doesn’t make them bad people.

So If you have “your friend” take a moment to think of them and appreciate them. A friend who you know you’re their number one person, that person does have other friends but you know that they’re your friend like it’s you & them. I think that’s an underrated blessing. 

And sometimes people have genuine good intentions like they want to be friends with you, but you’re just not their friend like you’re just not the one person that they have and I really wish I had someone like that. 

I mean, I have friend groups now and it’s fun. It’s nice to hang around them, but I just always know that other people in that group have their friends and I can’t be close to them on an emotional level. 

I can’t relax completely when I’m around them. I can’t turn off my brain, I can’t. I can’t just be, without worrying if they are judging me or ranking me by some skill. 

And it’s exhausting because you just need to do the bare minimum to keep those relationships going despite wanting to do more because you know they would never go that extra mile for you so why bother. 

I know that while they are good people, I could never call them if something was really hurting me. 

I haven’t fully collected my thoughts on this but I wanted to make this post and those that get it, get it.