At the start of the year, i must have fancied myself superhuman because 3 months in, that’s the only way i could have upheld my goals. 

I said i’ll post everyday but i didn’t so in the 3 months that’s gone by here’s what’s changed. 

I don’t write anymore or at least not like i used to. Even writing this feels weird, the sentences seem incomplete but i can’t get myself to care enough to go back and fix it. To make this some emotional piece that connects with you deeply. Today i just want to write so that’s what i’ll do. 

My reminder goes off every second day urging me to put letters to keypad and write but every day i snooze it and move on. I don’t have anything to say and when i do, you’ll know it. Not much has happened outside of school and in face of my finals everything falls to the side. All other issues take the back burner as i focus on graduating and finishing strong. 

I’m tired on most days, stressed on others and aside from school work i can’t bring myself to do much else. I tell myself it’ll change after i graduate but i’m not so sure anymore. 

We went on break the last week in march and i’ve done nothing worthwhile since then. I have these plans but without any willpower they’re nothing more than dreams in my head. But i’ll get to it. I always do and perhaps that’s why procrastination doesn’t scare me because i know when it counts i’ll get it done. 

Doing nothing for 2 weeks has been nice for me. If you’re a frequent reader i’ve shared how i much i hate being idle in the past but now i can sit and not have plans for the day. i remind myself that i don’t live once but everyday. so i’ll live even if i did nothing today and that helps. 

i haven’t prayed in a while and it’s been far too long since i’ve been to church. i don’t talk much about this because i know what people will say, the advice they’ll give but i don’t need the advice. if i did i would reach out. i say my thanks to God every now and then and even sometimes try to talk to him but it’s hard. it feels different and i’m too ashamed for how long i’ve been away from him so i quickly say grace and i move on with my day. 

i spend a lot of it on social media or watching movies this time without guilt. i comfort myself by recalling all the hard work i put in so i can afford to be lazy sometimes. this is sometimes. i sleep when i can and turn off all my alarms. sometimes even after sleeping the better half of the day, i’m still tired. i dont question it, i eat and then sleep some more. i can’t have too much sleep and when i’m asleep i don’t have to worry about life after school. so sleep is nice. 

i try to be there for me but i often demand too much of myself which is how i got here in the first place. i’m enamored with my past work and how well i used to write, feels like a lifetime ago, so many things have happened. i graduate in a few months something that seemed so impossible at one time. in everything times moves on, not too slow not too fast but, as it always has. 

Till inspiration visits me again, stay safe ❤️